When we were scouring NYC for an apartment back in November, our biggest priority was space. Neither of us cared about any bells and whistles; we just didn’t want to feel (too) cramped with two kids. One of the biggest perks to the apartment we now call home is that it came with a huge storage locker in the basement. Four feet wide, six feet deep, and ten feet tall — that kind of extra space is unheard of ’round these parts.
But since moving in, that glorious storage locker has been defiled — used for something so worthless that I can barely utter it aloud. One of us — the one that’s not me — has filled our storage locker with empty product boxes. Yes, you read that right. A significant portion of our storage locker is being used for EMPTY boxes. The TV box, iMac box, keyboard box, KitchenAid box, Playstation box, and printer box are all housed down there — among others.
These boxes are dusted off and brought out of darkness only when we move because Johnny insists that no other box except the original could keep our items their very safest. Our iMac, which we bought at the beginning of 2010, has had its box follow us all over the country. Starting in Utah, it’s traveled to New York, Boston, North Carolina, back to Utah, and now back to New York. Johnny swears by his saving of product boxes and plans to do it for the rest of our lives. He thinks it keeps our products safe and argues that if we were ever to sell one of the said products, having the box would be appealing to a potential buyer.
I, on the other hand, find his strange obsession to be a form of hoarding, and I think he should seek help. There are moving boxes of all shapes and sizes these days. And with enough styrofoam peanuts and bubble wrap, I’m certain I could ensure safe transport of any and all of our prized possessions without the original box. And in general, I like to throw things away. I get a certain thrill from it, which leads to a constant tug of war in our house between keeping things and throwing them out. It possibly also leads to me throwing things out while Johnny’s at work and never telling him about it.
But the product boxes? Those stay. If I even touched one while Johnny was away, he would know.
I can hear it now…
Johnny: Did you touch Carl? (He’s likely named them by this point.)
Me: Yes… NO! I don’t know!
Johnny: I swear if you ever do anything to him…
And so, we agree to disagree. Johnny continues to hoard his product boxes, and I’ve reluctantly accepted his cardboard children into our family. Where do you stand? Are you a fellow product box hoarder? Or, like this reasonable gal, do you throw those cardboard children to the curb without so much as a second glance? There’s no middle ground… you’re either with me or against me.